


i've got lights you've never seen

by memorysdaughter



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Letters, Sarenrae
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-03-13
Packaged: 2018-05-18 22:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5946390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/memorysdaughter/pseuds/memorysdaughter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>During Pike's stay at the Temple of Sarenrae in Vasselheim, Vox Machina stays in contact with letters.</p><p>Chapter One: Grog and Gilmore<br/>Chapter Two: Keyleth and Laina<br/>Chapter Three: Keyleth, Sarenrae, and Tristyn<br/>Chapter Four: Scanlan and Cassandra<br/>Chapter Five: Vax'ildan and Keyleth<br/>Chapter Six: Vex'ahlia and Vax'ildan</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "Back to Me" by Kathleen Edwards. The song itself has nothing to do with Pike, but I like that line since, to me, it represents Pike seeing something new inside herself.
> 
> Chapter One takes place between the events of Ep. 17 ("Hubris") and the beginning of Ep. 22 ("AraMente to Pyrah").

 

                                    

 

_dear pike_

_we went to a place called the croosible and i fought a half-ork for munny.  i did not beat him.  i was sad.  we lost the munny.  also i got hurt bad.  scanlan says i did good.  also he says something about magic poop that i don't unnerstand.  we are going on to some place to meet fire jugglers who keelith knows.  did i ever tell you about a fire juggler i knew?  she wuz very ~~butif~~ ~~beeutiff~~ pretty.  also she smelled like the way gilmore's shop smells.  very good.  i miss you very much.  you are my little buddy.  also i think we will be sad without a ~~clerk~~ ~~clarick~~ pike.  tybeerious says he will get this letter to you.  hope you are doing good at the tempel of ~~saren~~ sarrenray._

_grog_

 

_p.s. at the fight i go to be called fillip.  it was awesum._

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

_Grog Strongjaw!  What in the most holy name of Sarenrae were you thinking?!  I am no longer with you!  I cannot protect you!  If you were to be killed I would never be able to forgive myself.  Please promise me you will not fight any more orcs, half or otherwise, for money.  I am so sorry you were not able to claim victory.  Please believe Scanlan if he told you that you did well.  He generally is telling the truth._

 

_I miss you and all of Vox Machina terribly, but somehow I know I am doing the right thing.  Sarenrae was with me through all of my darkest moments and She (and you) brought me back from the grips of death.  It is my duty and my honor to serve Her and to bring this temple back to life.  Perhaps She will also tell me why I am to remain here.  I can only hope._

 

_I remain, as always,_

_your friend,_

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

 

_dear pike_

 

_it was for munny!  big shiny amounts of munny!  also everyone was ~~disapint~~ ~~disenpaint~~ upset with me.  vex a lot.  she likes munny.  i liked being called fillip.  i did not like losing.  i wanted you to be there to heel me._

 

_anyway it dosn't matter 'cause after we lost the munny we went and fought a hydra.  lots of heads.  it died quick tho.  we were very ~~heroh~~ brave except hunters from town came out and said we killed their prey.  as it turns out it's against the law to kill something here if it's not yours.  now we have to go to their gild and try not to get arrested.  i want to not be arrested so we can go find fire jugglers who smell good._

 

_let me know if you need any of my holy oil to protect you.  not to be rude but your temple looked like a dirty pit.  but you are the brightest shiniest pike i know and you make all sorts of things pretty.  even mud.  also you save my life lots so you are good in my book.  i do not have a book._

 

_grog_

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

_Dearest Grog,_

 

_A hydra!  Goodness.  You certainly have a knack for getting into the strangest of situations.  I suppose I should know that, since I've been in most of the best ones with you.  I'd be arrested with you any day, Grog.  Please try not to antagonize the guild.  They tend to be very territorial and often strange.  Or perhaps they might ask you to do their dirty work, and Sarenrae knows Vox Machina has their own dirty work to accomplish._

 

_It's very cold here.  At first I thought the snow was beautiful but now it's just a nuisance.  My fingers and toes do not fully thaw no matter how long I sit by the fire, and sometimes they are blue.  But it will be worth it.  I know it will.  Today we uncovered what was once a tiled mural.  It will be beautiful in time, like many things._

 

_I miss you, my dear friend._

 

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_dear pike_

 

_today we found out we have to kill a dragon so the gild won't arrest us.  also we have to do it in teams so me, scanlan, vex, and persee went with two people i never met before.  one was a teefling lady with sharp and pointee teeth.  she was scary and ~~beootif~~ ~~beaout~~ sexy.  The other was this girl with thick glasses and no personalitee.  also she liked to talk about her boyfriend aldorr.  more like al-bore if you ask me.  altho she spilled ~~papya~~ ~~pappay~~ froot on the floor and me and trinket got to eat it.  i think you would have liked her for some reason.  anyway we are going to find a dragon and kill it and not go to jail or get killed by al-bore and his lame-ass gild.  also i do not have a beerd yet.  would you like me better with a beerd pike?_

 

_you better tell sarrenray to take good care of you.  she's got lots of people but i only have one pike.  you are my best pike my tiny little friend._

 

_grog_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Grog,_

 

_I am so sorry I have been unable to write and I am unsure how I am able to write right now as my hands are shaking so badly I fear I will tear the parchment.  The temple was ransacked last night.  I was on watch, as I am most nights, praying for Sarenrae's guidance and for her healing over the other disciples here.  They are not poorly but they are all seeking and Sarenrae will guide them.  I know She will.  As I sat by our small fire, pleading with Sarenrae for answers, I heard footsteps in the corridor leading into the temple and came upon two brutes destroying all of the work we had done the day previous.  I called upon Sarenrae to help me and sent forth a blast of divine light towards them.  It blinded them momentarily and confused them enough to send them running, but they said they would be back.  I am terrified, Grog.  I cannot keep myself safe, I cannot keep my fellow disciples safe, I cannot even keep Sarenrae's holy space safe.  What good am I to these people?  How much longer must I search for answers that are not coming?  What do I do when they come back?  Why am I so lost when I should be in the healing arms of Sarenrae?  I miss you so terribly, my friend._

 

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Pike, my darling!  I inquired with Vox Machina as to your whereabouts and they informed me you were off saving the world.  I would expect nothing less of you, dear heart.  I am still working on enchanting the lighter armor you requested, and as such am not sending it along at this time.  However, I had a strange elderly woman come into the shop the other day.  She had an item for trade and when I asked her what she wanted for it, she said, "Nothing.  Give it to someone who needs it.  You know who she is."  I turned away from the counter to write her a receipt and when I turned back she was gone as though vanished.  There are dealings afoot, my dear.  I am sending her gift to you.  I do not know the origins of this particular piece but I know it is powerful, quite powerful indeed.  I hope you will be able to put it to use in Sarenrae's service.  Know that you are thought of often and spoken of kindly._

 

_yours in service,_

_Gilmore_

_of Gilmore's Glorious Goods, Emon_

 

_encl. one ancient holy symbol of Sarenrae_

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

_Gilmore,_

 

_I cannot tell you how wonderful it was to receive your letter and amazing gift when I did.  My time at the newly discovered temple to Sarenrae in Vasselheim started peacefully but as of late we are fighting against a band of thugs attempting to dissuade us from restoring the temple.  It is very tiring work and they seem to be unyielding.  Luckily, so am I.  With Sarenrae guiding me I will show them the light they so badly need.  After all, why does one come to a temple unless they are looking for something deeper within?_

 

_I removed the holy symbol from the rather exquisite packaging you sent it in and as my hand merely brushed against it, it lit up the room.  I have never felt so much pure light and love as I did in that moment.  It radiated through the entire temple and brought all of us to our knees.  I do not know who that woman was but I do not believe in coincidences, my dear Gilmore.  Thank you for sending it to me.  It is in safe hands.  I will guard it with my life._

 

_in gratitude,_

_Pike, of the newly-discovered temple of Sarenrae, Vasselheim_

_encl. - gnomish gratitude_

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

_dear pike_

_we did not get killed by al-bore.  or the dragon alto it tried a lot.  there was no more froot.  also i do not have a beerd yet._

 

_we are going on to visit keelith's fire jugglers.  i said we need to go back and help you defend the temple of sarrenray but there's no time.  i am so sorry you are there alone and you are scared.  if i was there i would rage at them and scare them out.  you know that even tho i don't spend much of my time in the temple at grayskull i still respeckt it.  there are just sum things a sane man or goliath or gnome knows not to mess with and that is one._

 

_you know that if you need me i will come.  i will walk through fire and mud and the hail of thorns vex casts except those all hurt.  i would do it for you pike.  but i know you are in sarrenray's hands.  also you fit in my hands because you are little.  also you fit in my heart because you are my friend._

 

_grog_

 

* * *

_ _

 

_Grog,_

 

_I cannot do this any longer.  I cannot stay here.  I cannot do what Sarenrae is asking of me.  I am terrified.  The light is fading.  I cannot be the leader these people need._

 

_Please don't make me stay here, Grog._

 

_Please._

 

_Please come and get me._

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

_pike trickfoot,_

 

_you lissen to what i am going to say to you.  you are the strongest woman i ever met and i'm including the one who beat me in a fistfight in broxhall.  every day you take all that energie stuff i don't unnerstand and it flows through your body and i don't know how you get back up but you do.  everyday.  you patch us up.  you call upon your sarrenray to bring us back from gone.  i owe my life to you more than once.  this is a debt i will never be able to give back.  like the one i owe that dwarf wressler in the mountains.  without you vocks mockina would be in ruins like that one gnome tavern after i raged.  what i mean is you are ~~impartint~~   ~~improtant~~ speshul and there is no one who can do what you do.  sarrenray chose you for a reason.  mebbe you don't know what it is but if you give up now you'll never know.  i prommis i will not give up if you prommis you will not give up.  vocks mockina needs you but sarrenray needs you more.  you fight, pike trickfoot.  you fight.  we fight._

 

_grog_


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During Pike's stay at the Temple of Sarenrae in Vasselheim, Vox Machina stays in contact with letters.
> 
> Chapter One: Grog and Gilmore  
> Chapter Two: Keyleth and Laina

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Back to Me" by Kathleen Edwards. The song itself has nothing to do with Pike, but I like that line since, to me, it represents Pike seeing something new inside herself.
> 
> Chapter Two takes place between the events of Ep. 23 ("The Rematch") and the middle of Ep. 24 ("The Feast").

                                         

 

_Dear Keyleth,_

_I was so pleased to be able to accompany you on your AraMente to Pyrah.  It was one of the most bizarre places I've ever been, probably right up there with the place I went after dying.  It was such an honor to be a part of something so important to you and your people._

 

_I am writing to tell you of a vision I had shortly after returning to the temple of Sarenrae.  In it I was back at Grayskull.  It was nighttime and I was walking down the corridor towards the temple, though every time I attempted to enter the temple I was shown another closed door.  I could not find my way into the temple no matter how hard I tried.  At last I heard your voice.  You called out to me, saying, "I'm so sorry, Pike.  Some doors are closed for a reason."  I turned towards you and saw that your hands were lit with flames.  Before I could say anything, you shot them towards me.  I covered my face, expecting them to burn me, but when they did not I opened my eyes to see a rather comforting cyclone of fire around my body.  It warmed my armor and played with hair.  It felt like a gentle caress, and I felt stronger and strangely at peace.  Then the flames began to burn me and I cried out in pain, unable to breathe.  You stepped towards me as I crumbled into ash, and you said, "I'm so sorry, Pike.  I shouldn't play with fire."  Needless to say I came out of the vision very disturbed.  I have requested some tomes from my uncle's temple to ascertain just what the meaning of this vision might be, as I have never experienced a vision like this one.  Generally they are accompanied by some physical sensations, but in this vision I felt actual pain, and I actually came to with a scorch mark on the floor of the room where I was meditating._

 

_The temple's curse has been lifted and our work continues.  It is very strange to be referred to as the temple's leader.  I don't feel like a leader.  Vox Machina has many leaders, though I have never been one of them.  It is a new sensation and I'm not sure I'm entirely comfortable with with it.  Leaders have many responsibilities and, I suppose, must seem confident.  I am often so muddled that I'm not sure how confident I truly am.  I know that you are though of as a leader among your people.  Do you have any advice._

 

_I remain, as always,_

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Dear Pike,_

_I was most distressed to hear of your vision.  I hope you were able to find peace afterwards.  I am all too familiar with the difficulties surrounding the mystical and I know it grows no easier over time.  For what it is worth, I am grateful you were there to accompany me and the rest of Vox Machina on the AraMente.  It has been a very lonely road to walk and there are no easy answers.  Trying to bring together a people separated for so long, who have so many differences despite all of the things they share, is one of the most difficult concepts for me to wrap my head around.  I want to be able to bring a message of peace, belonging and love to all of the Ashari, but sometimes I don't know if I'm the right person to do so.  Sometimes I feel so lost.  Everyone around me seems to have purpose and I am flailing along with a mission without instructions._

 

_It is difficult for Vox Machina to be apart like this.  Since we came together I don't think we've been separated in this manner.  I have a sense that you are doing the right thing, but it feels like Vox Machina is missing an essential part of itself.  You are essential, Pike, whether it's with us or with your followers at the temple.  There is no one thing I can tell you about leadership.  It is such an ephemeral concept.  The things people say they want in a good leader are so different.  Some say they want a leader who is strong or brave.  Others want a leader who knows how to delegate, or who takes suggestions from everyone.  Kindness, understanding, or a take charge attitude... it is difficult to say what each person wants from their leader.  Among the Ashari they seem to look for someone proficient in spells and in commune with nature, someone with a strong personality, someone who can bring people together while retaining a sense of self.  I don't know if that's what your disciples are looking for.  I don't even know if any of that falls into the worship of Sarenrae.  Maybe that's where you'll find common ground.  You are all there to serve Sarenrae, to uncover a temple lost for so long that's now calling out in a voice demanding to be heard.  Your voice is worth hearing, Pike.  Speak with confidence and honesty and you will always find someone to listen.  I know you always have truth in your heart and love in your eyes, and perhaps these are the best qualities in a leader._

 

_Please don't worry about Vox Machina.  We definitely miss you, and there are battles ahead of us that must be faced sooner rather than later, but I think that's always the truth.  We will soldier on, face whatever dangers are waiting for us, and attempt to triumph in the only way we know how - together.  There will always be a spot for you in Vox Machina.  You are one of the pillars holding us up.  Without you we will struggle, yes, but the struggle is the glorious twist of life that connects all things, much like roots that twine trees together where no one can see them.  I like the thought of that._

 

_in harmony and friendship,_

_Keyleth_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Dearest Keyleth,_

_Thank you greatly for your advice on being a leader.  I considered each of the traits you mentioned - strength, bravery, ability to delegate, open to suggestions, kindness, understanding, take-charge attitude - as well as the traits specific to the Ashari.  Unfortunately I don't know if I meet any of those qualifications.  I defer to others, and my strength and bravery seem to be contingent on my place with others.  In the arms of Vox Machina I feel strong and brave.  Otherwise I don't know.  I seem to think the only qualification I meet is kindness.  I am flattered you think that I speak with honesty and confidence.  It is an honor to know that you say I have love and truth in my heart.  Sometimes I doubt myself.  Far too often, if I am to be truthful._

 

_The tomes arrived from my uncle's temple and I was able to decipher parts of my vision.  To have a vision taking place in the night represents a struggle or setback in achieving goals.  Night may also represent death or rebirth.  The temple seems to stand for inspiration and spiritual thinking, but could also be symbolic of one's physical body, on a search for a place of refuge.  Fire had the most potential meanings - destruction, passion, desire, illumination, purification, transformation, enlightenment, or anger - but the tomes seemed to suggest that to one who is not afraid of the fire, it means being unafraid of internal fire or transformation.  As my uncle wrote, "Something old is passing and something new is being ushered in... to be told one is 'playing with fire' warns of a dangerous or risky activity coming forth."  Ashes are thought to mean disappointments, regrets, bitter changes, or disruptions... failed relationships or failed endeavours.  "It may suggest a feeling that nothing of value is left in the seer's life."  I do not know what to make of the vision still, Keyleth.  I am still scared of what it might bring.  I shall see if I have this vision again, or if I see any elements of it in future visions._

 

_Please tell me that all is well with Vox Machina.  I seem to worry about you most at night, when I am in my small bedroll, either preparing for my watch or attempting to sleep.  My mind is far too full and my thoughts spill over into my heart.  You are all kept there._

 

_I remain, as always,_

_your friend,_

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Dear Pike,_

_We had a very interesting set of days.  When we arrived back at Vasselheim Grog returned to the Crucible and fought Karn once more.  This time he was victorious!  Tiberius and I were arrested at the match, though, since I attempted to cast healing wounds on Grog during the fight.  Vex got us out of prison just afterwards, though, by telling the guards we were mental patients.  Also Scanlan pretended to be a lawyer and was very convincing.  Do you know where he got the name "Burt Reynolds"?  That is who he claimed to be._

 

_Grog has no beard yet.  He asked me to tell you that._

 

_After the fight Grog was approached by a man named Earth-Breaker Groon and Grog went with Scanlan and the twins to visit him at the temple of Korde.  From what they reported, the temple was quite a sight to behold, and Earth-Breaker Groon was a very spiritual man.  I do not know what the Earth-Breaker told Grog, but it seemed to be important to him.  It was the first time I've ever seen Grog even remotely spiritual._

 

_We returned to Emon that evening, and I must say it was not the same to come home without you.  In fact we all stopped at the temple's door and each of us spoke as to how we missed you.  Vax proposed a toast, saying "To Pike - the best in all of us."  It is so eminently true.  You are the best of us, Pike.  If Vox Machina was a body, we'd each be different parts.  Grog would be the muscles, or perhaps the stomach.  Vex the eyes.  Vax the ears.  Percy the brain.  Scanlan the mouth.  Tiberius the nervous system.  I'd like to think I'd be the spiritual grounding.  And you, Pike - you would be the heart.  Our center, our guide, our purest light._

 

_I am so proud of all the work you are doing to bring the temple of Sarenrae back to health.  There are important places in the world and there are important people tasked with their care.  You are truly one of those._

 

_I know that your vision will make sense in time.  There is nothing you have ever seen that has led you astray, and I can only assume this will be the same._

 

_I love you and miss you dearly, sweet Pike._

 

_Keyleth_

 

_I also had a reading done for you and thought I would sketch the results here for you.  You can attempt to interpret them, as everything I tried led me nowhere._

 

* * *

_ _

 

_Dear Keyleth,_

_Arrested again!  Goodness, Vox Machina is full of troublemakers!  I am glad other members of the party were quick to get you out of the gaol.  I was highly amused to hear of Scanlan's deception.  From a story he told me once, "Burt Reynolds" is the name of a famous actor in Scanlan's homeland.  Not a lawyer, just an actor.  He had a fabulous mustache, though.  Speaking of facial hair, please reassure Grog that his time with a beard will come.  I do not know when, as it is not the type of thing Sarenrae gives guidance upon._

 

_I do not know much about the followers of Korde, but it is endearing to me that Grog was touched by his time at the temple there.  It will be interesting to see what becomes of this._

 

_I must tell you that reading of your toast to me outside the temple brought tears to my eyes, and I sobbed for a good half hour.  Not tears of sadness, not all of them, but tears of gratitude.  Grateful that I have such good friends, who toast to me when I am not present, who think of me when I am gone, who adore me for all of the things I am and all of the things I wish to be someday, the things I know I can be in their company.  To say I am the best of you brought light to my heart.  I am not sure if it's true, but it certainly made me feel very loved.  Despite all of the struggles here at the temple, I know belonging.  I know joy.  I know peace.  It gives me the courage to go on._

 

_I looked at the reading you had, and though I am not proficient in the cards, I tried to attach meaning to each card.  The first is the King of Hawks, who generally heralds strength and piercing judgment.  The second is the Bishop of Threes, who represents a divergence of paths.  The third is the Lady of the Book, and I admit I do not know anything about her, although the way she's turned to face the left suggests looking towards the past.  The fourth is the Artist (creativity and inspiration).  The fifth is the Wheel of Devils, representing the past, present, and future.  The next is the Horse-Drawn Man, and again I know nothing, though he holds a scepter, seeming to mean leadership.  The second-to-last is the Knave of the King of Hawks, which shares many of the same traits of the King of Hawks.  Finally is the Queen of Harps, and she means judgment and careful choice._

 

_Please stay safe, Keyleth.  Wherever your paths take you, you all mean so much to me.  I am proud of your path as a leader._

 

_Please also stay out of jail._

 

_In friendship and love,_

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Dear Lady Pike,_

_Your compatriots returned from Vasselheim recently and it was a delight to see them at last.  Imagine my surprise when you were not with them!  We were all shocked.  I am broken-hearted you did not come with them.  You truly bring a light to all of our lives and we wish you nothing but the best and safest journey as you restore the temple._

 

_I've sent along some things I've made and I'm hoping they reach Vasselheim in an agreeable condition.  Since I know how cold it is there I knitted you up a new over-tunic, a pair of mittens, and some new socks.  I also tucked in a few things from your quarters here at Grayskull, hopefully they will make your new quarters a little more homey.  And also in there I've put some molasses and honey candy, cookys, and a loaf of the bread you like so much.  I pray they make it to Vasselheim in one piece.  Please enjoy them with all the well wishes of everyone here at Grayskull._

 

_I've asked the staff to keep the temple clean in your absence but they know they are NOT to touch, remove, or break anything or I'll have their heads.  We'll keep it fine in your absence._

 

_Humbly yours,_

_Laina_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Dearest Laina!  Thank you so much for the wonderful package!  It is delightful to receive mail.  I won't even ask how you managed to get those things to Vasselheim!  I shared the cookys with everyone here at the temple, the bread as well, and everyone agreed they were the finest they'd ever had.  We're often short on rations here, but we all share everything, which makes it seem as though we all have plenty.  I'm wearing the socks right now and I've had the mittens on for most of the day.  (It is rather difficult to write with them on, however!)  You are keeping me warm with your kind words and your kind giifts._

 

_I am so grateful that you're keeping an eye on the temple.  I know it will be safe in your absence.  And I am most thankful for the things you sent along.  It was amazingly comforting to be able to put on a familiar night shift, though I had to cover it up immediately with the over-tunic as it's still very chilly here, and I have some of the little trinkets set up near my bedroll.  I touch them before I go to sleep and they bring me peace._

 

_Thank you for all you do for the Grayskull Keep.  It is pleasing to know that I have a place to call home._

 

_with affection,_

_Pike_


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During Pike's stay at the Temple of Sarenrae in Vasselheim, Vox Machina stays in contact with letters.
> 
> Chapter One: Grog and Gilmore  
> Chapter Two: Keyleth and Laina  
> Chapter Three: Keyleth, Sarenrae, and Tristyn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Back to Me" by Kathleen Edwards. The song itself has nothing to do with Pike, but I like that line since, to me, it represents Pike seeing something new inside herself.
> 
> Chapter Three takes place between the events of Ep. 29 ("Whispers") and the middle of Ep. 30 ("Stoke the Flames").

                      

 

_Pike,_

_Everything has gone completely to hell._

 

_The previous time we were in Emon, we heard that someone named Briarwood was in town doing something.  It got Percy's attention and he asked the Council member to notify him if they ever came back to Emon.  Sure enough the next time we returned Seeker Hassoon came to us and said the Briarwoods were coming to town.  We were invited to a banquet held at Sovereign Uriel's palace, along with the rest of the Council and the Briarwoods.  We asked Percy who they were and he told us a horrific story.  I don't even want to recount it here, but suffice it to say that the Briarwoods killed his entire family and took over Whitestone.  So we were already on high alert as we went into the banquet._

 

_Vex went in stealth to spy on the Briarwoods and things went badly.  They were able to see through his invisibility and they tried to kill him.  They nearly succeeded.  We had to go in and rescue him, alerting the Briarwoods to our presence.  Their carriage exploded, they were left still alive, and we had to run for it.  Then we found out that the servant girl who assisted us in the fight against the Briarwoods was actually a Tiefling woman who hated the Briarwoods and was on the run from someone called the Broker._

 

_Then that all went to hell.  We fought the Broker and two of his assistants.  One of his assistants was a little old lady and Tiberius killed her in perhaps the most brutal way possible.  The next morning we were summoned to see Uriel and threatened since we'd attacked the Briarwoods and killed an old lady._

 

_It's just gotten too much to handle, Pike.  We started Vox Machina to take down monsters and bring help to people who were being oppressed by them.  But now - have we become the very monsters we were seeking to destroy?  Who are we to attack a couple - despite them being vampires - and kill an old lady (who was truly nothing more than an old lady)?  What lengths of depravity will we go to to prove we're the strongest and the best?_

 

_I think I may just pack up and come to Vasselheim to you.  I could... I don't know.  Help you rebuild the temple.  Maybe it would be refreshing to build something up rather than tear everything down.  I think that's all we're doing.  It's not in my nature.  It's... it's unspeakable, Pike.  Please help me._

 

_Keyleth_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Oh, dear Keyleth.  Beautiful sweet Keyleth.  I am so sorry to hear all of this.  My heart broke when I read of everything that's transpired since our last letters._

 

_Poor Percy.  I knew there were horrific things in his past, but I had no idea that his entire family was taken by vampires.  What a horrible way to lose your family.  What a horrible thing to lose one's family.  To be so completely cut off in the world._

 

_Of these Briarwoods, what you have said is extremely disturbing.  First that they're vampires, and then that they're so powerful as to see through invisibility, to still live after Vox Machina attacked them and a carriage explosion and a Tiefling... these Briarwoods seem so very powerful and that can be terrifying._

 

_As for the killing of the old woman, I read that and went immediately into the temple and knelt, asking Sarenrae for forgiveness upon Tiberius and a blessing on that woman's soul.  I must confess that I wept.  Elders are revered among gnomes.  I cannot think of losing someone I cared about in such a way._

 

_Please stay strong, Keyleth.  I've asked Sarenrae for guidance, and so far I have had no answers.  I pray protection over you and over the rest of Vox Machina.  I pray you will find redemption in the eyes of Uriel, but moreover in your own eyes.  We are not monsters, Keyleth, but sometimes people make decisions that change their path for better or for worse.  When my holy symbol cracked down the middle I felt only emptiness and despair - something I depend so terrifically on was out of my grasp.  Somehow I redeemed myself.  Somehow you can redeem Vox Machina._

 

_If you should need me, call upon me.  I will wait here for Sarenrae's answer and see if she tells me to go to your aid.  I cannot promise anything but I know that divine energy is often unpredictable and saving when we least expect it.  Stay in the light, my dear Keyleth._

 

_sending Sarenrae's peace and light to you and to Vox Machina,_

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

__  


 

_Pike,_

_Yet still it's gotten worse.  We're in Whitestone, following Percy on his mission of vengeance.  We killed a man today and there are four more on Percy's list.  We're walking in completely unprepared.  We're outgunned, out manned, and we're alone in a city of vampires and undead, horrific creatures who will kill us on sight._

 

_And there's something possessing Percy.  Something dark.  Something evil._

 

_We need you now more than ever, Pike.  Please beg Sarenrae to bring you to us._

 

_Keyleth_

 

* * *

 

 

The gnome cleric, clutching Keyleth's letter in her hand, hurried in her sock feet down the cold stone corridor to the temple.  She quickly opened the door, slipped inside, and closed it behind her.  In the dim candlelight she knelt before the Scribe's Desk.  She placed a blank piece of parchment on its surface and picked up the two pens from the two inkwells, placing one in each hand.  With her left hand she wrote her message.  Her right hand hovered limply over the parchment.

 

Pike looked up at the gently glowing symbol of Sarenrae above the altar. "I need answers," she whispered.

 

In the cold and the dark, her eyes closed, tears rolling down her cheeks, Pike listened.  And waited.

 

And, completely without her permission, her right hand began to move.

 

_ _

 

 

_Sarenrae, they need me._

 

Wait.

 

_A friend is possessed.  His spirit may be forfeit if I wait much longer.  He is a brother to me.  Please don't let me stand idly by while it takes him.  He deserves better than that._

 

Wait.

 

_If I wait much longer he might not survive.  I cannot wait._

 

Then this is the time you must wait the most diligently.

 

_I pray it will not be too late to save his soul._

 

* * *

 

 

 

_Keyleth,_

_Sarenrae says I must wait.  I do not understand why, but I must put my faith in Her.  If I cannot, then what kind of a cleric would I be?_

 

_Though I do not understand I feel a changing tide in my soul.  An answer is coming soon.  I have my things packed and my armor is in place and it will be mere seconds until my departure once I receive the call.  Know that I am on your side.  Know that you are in my prayers and in my heart and your names are on my lips._

 

_Stay safe.  Keep him alive._

 

_The tides are constantly changing, Keyleth.  You know that more than anyone else._

 

_in Sarenrae's service,_

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Cleric Trickfoot,_

_I do not know if this message will reach you, but Sarenrae guides and She offers paths upon which to travel.  I pray this message travels on one of those paths and finds your hands._

 

_First allow me to express my sincere joy at learning that you are alive, thriving, and restoring a temple of our Lady.  She is worthy of our love and time and it pleases me to no end to know that Her message has reached as far as Vasselheim.  I pray She will guide you in Her ways.  I would greatly like to visit the temple when it is completed, to pay my respects and to see the new country Her smile now rests upon._

 

_Now i must speak to you of a much darker matter.  Your companions from Vox Machina were here recently and they asked for a few blessed items, which I was more than obliging to provide for them.  I know they are going up against a dark foe and my visions have only continued to show me dark paths they will follow._

 

_One of my visions concerns specifically your human companion.  He is in dire straits.  There is a dark spirit wrapped around his soul.  He cannot break free of it on his own free will.  He needs healing and restoration.  He needs Sarenrae's light to make him whole.  I believe you will be the only one who can deliver this light._

_Something tells me you are waiting for a sign from Sarenrae to act.  I do not believe this is it, for I would never assume to know Her glorious ways.  But I hope that when the time comes you will heed it immediately, for there will be no time to waste._

 

_Please call upon me if the situation becomes dire._

 

_yours in Her service and grace,_

_Tristyn_

_Head Cleric, Temple of Sarenrae, Emon_


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During Pike's stay at the Temple of Sarenrae in Vasselheim, Vox Machina stays in contact with letters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Back to Me" by Kathleen Edwards. The song itself has nothing to do with Pike, but I like that line since, to me, it represents Pike seeing something new inside herself.
> 
> Chapter Four takes place between the events of Ep. 35 ("Denouement") and Ep. 37 ("A Musician's Nostalgia").

                                 

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_Hey, baby.  Loved seeing you in Whitestone.  It's pretty sweet how the divine energy of Sarenrae helped you to show up and kill some undead.  You look gorgeous with radiant wings.  If I could only have one Winter's Crest gift, it would be you._

 

_Scanlan_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_Scanlan?_

_What do I do with this?_

 

* * *

 

 

 

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_You don't have to do a damn thing, baby.  You just write your deepest and truest thoughts and sweet Scanlan will receive them.  Or, you know, the weather.  Or whatever._

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_What sort of sorcery is this, Scanlan?  It says it's from Gilmore.  Sarenrae only knows what that glorious man comes up with.  The... weather?  It's Emon.  You know what it's like.  Oh, I didn't tell you I was in Emon, did I?  Yes.  The whole time I've been projecting to help you in Whitestone, I've been in Emon.  So, rain.  Some sun.  Nothing out of the ordinary.  Why are you sending me these messages?_

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_Because I miss you, baby.  And something tells me that years from now couples who miss each other will send instantaneous messages back and forth across the miles to express their longing.  So here I am, expressing it.  Expressing away.  All of the expressing.  Express back._

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_Express.  After all we just went through?  Scanlan Shorthalt you are an absolute player._

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_Did I tell you how radiant you looked with wings?_

 

* * *

 

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_You may have said something, yes._

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_The Office of the Council, City of Whitestone - Lady Cassandra DeRo_ _lo,_ _Sovereign_

 

_My lady Cleric Trickfoot,_

_I unfortunately did not have time to meet with you while Vox Machina was in Whitestone, but I understand that your ability to remain there was tenuous at best.  I am writing to thank you for your assistance in the freeing of Whitestone and the rescuing of its people._

 

_My brother has spoken of you with nothing but kindness in his voice.  Though we are not a religious family, he and I have great respect for those who excel in all spheres of existence, even those we do not understand.  He has spoken to me of your kindness, strength, and spiritual presences, and I know those were three of the many attributes that assisted in the matters at Whitestone.  I spoke with Keeper Yennen and I have learned that the ability to control one's own divine avatar is no small feat; I must commend you on your willingness to jeopardize your health and safety in order to help a friend.  Whitestone is the better for your assistance._

 

_You and the rest of Vox Machina are welcome in Whitestone at any time.  Keeper Yennen would be most interested in a discussion of spiritual matters and fostering divine nature in Whitestone, if you should ever have the time.  And on a personal note, thank you ever so much for believing in my brother and going so far to help him.  He is a good man who has, as we all have, faced struggles, seen darkness, and chosen to overcome them.  Thank you for being a light in his darkness.  Whether he will ever admit this is or not is debatable, so I thought I ought to offer my thanks instead._

 

_May you be well,_

_Lady Cassandra DeRolo, Castle Whitestone_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Sovereign DeRolo,_

_While I appreciate the sincere gratitude, the honor of assisting at Whitestone was all mine.  I am blessed to have the ability and strength to send myself to my friends, and I believe it was a series of divinely connected events that enabled me to come to their aid._

 

_I am so pleased with the knowledge that your city is restored to you and safe.  While I was not able to attend the Winter's Crest festival, I heard about it from the other members of Vox Machina and they truly enjoyed being there to see the city "wake up," as it were.  Thank you for being so hospitable to all of them._

 

_I look forward to visiting Whitestone again in the future._

 

_And for what it's worth, most people in the world are worth aiding, and saving, and everyone has light within them.  Some just need more assistance letting it shine out.  Your brother is one of those whose light may have gotten covered up.  He is a wonderful man._

 

_May your reign be long and untroubled, my lady._

 

_yours in the name of Sarenrae,_

_Pike Trickfoot_

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Back to Me" by Kathleen Edwards. The song itself has nothing to do with Pike, but I like that line since, to me, it represents Pike seeing something new inside herself.
> 
> Chapter Five takes places between the events of Ep. 36 ("Winter's Crest in Whitestone") and Ep. 37 ("A Musician's Nostalgia").

              

 

_Dear Pike,_

_A joyous Winter's Crest to you.  We are preparing to celebrate with the Whitestone citizens.  I wish you could be here to enjoy the festivities.  It seems wrong to be celebrating a holiday without you.  I have a gift for you, and I will give it to you when I see you next._

 

_I am still amazed at your ability to project yourself to Whitestone to aid us.  I can only imagine how difficult it must have been and to me it's just more proof that you are beyond amazing, Pike.  Through you I truly know what it is like to experience something divine._

 

_I feel as though Vox Machina has come to a crossroads in our journey together.  Not one where we need to separate, but perhaps one where it is time for us to reconsider our goals as a group.  We started out as mercenaries, banded together to save Grog... and now we're saving towns.  You're off singlehandedly bringing deities back to cities - cities of the divine, no less.  Does this mean we've come to a place where it's time to reconsider who Vox Machina is?_

 

_Or who we are to each other?_

 

_I don't know anymore, Pike.  I'm sorry.  I'm rambling.  Pay no attention to me.  I suppose we all have the right to be rattled after what we just went through.  Maybe it's not the right time to be making choices or decisions about anything.  Maybe it's just time to take a break from fighting to figure out what we're fighting for._

 

_Sometimes I envy you, Pike.  I think among all of us you have the most figured out.  You know what your purpose in life is, you know why you continue to go forward and what you're searching for.  Does that seem overly simplistic?  If it does, please don't be offended.  I don't mean to simplify your life, only to suggest that you, in Sarenrae, have a focal point.  And the rest of us seem to drift back and forth in the wind and... oh, I'm tired.  I don't know what I was trying to say.  I'm sorry to bother you, my friend._

 

_My dear friend, I miss you.  I miss feeling the calming presence of Sarenrae's guidance when you are near.  It's very comforting and makes me feel secure.  And in these days, that kind of feeling is in short supply.  It brings me joy to think of you with Sarenrae's radiance surrounding you - since if you are near, I know we are safe and whole._

 

_Vax'ildan_

 

 

* * *

 

                                           

 

_Dearest Vax'ildan,_

 

_The happiest of Winter's Crest to you.  I also have gifts for you and the rest of Vox Machina, and they're probably not quite what everyone was expecting, but after the events of the past few months they're the very best I can do.  I hope they'll make everyone happy._

 

_As to my ability to project myself, it's not one I've really ever called upon for anything before.  It's not exactly the easiest of abilities, but doing it brought me a weird sense of pride in knowing that at least if I was to sacrifice myself, it would be on my own terms.  It would be helping Vox Machina.  It would be fighting by your side.  Where I belong._

 

_You asked me, Vax, if it was time for us to reconsider what our goals are.  You're not the first one who's written to me to do so - Keyleth wonders the same thing - but there is one thing she did not ask me.  She did not ask me if it's time to reconsider who we are to each other, and I don't think you truly meant it.  We know who we are, Vax - we're family.  For some of us, we're the only family we've ever had, or the truest family.  Or the most dependable family.  We've been together through life, death, and everything in between.  We mean more to each other than some "real" families I know, and that's saying something._

 

_I don't have everything figured out, Vax, and I don't think anyone truly does.  Sarenrae has been a guiding, driving force in my life since I was young, and it is by Her hand that my journey has led me to Vox Machina.  But I am still fallible.  I am still able to make my own decisions, and I do.  And sometimes they're the wrong ones.  But if I don't make decisions nothing changes.  I can't help anyone standing still, Vax, and neither can you.  We're not meant to stand still.  Everything in the universe vibrates, everything has its own voice, even if we can't hear it.  Ask Keyleth about that some time.  She'll know exactly what I mean._

 

_I want you to know that you never, ever bother me.  We are family, Vax.  Your concerns are as valid as anyone's.  We do not drift when we anchor each other.  Perhaps that is where we have gotten lost._

 

_It's funny - if you are near, I know I am safe and whole._

 

_Sarenrae's blessing be upon you, darling Vax._

_Pike_

 

* * *

_ _

 

_Dear Pike,_

_After the past few months, the fact that we're all still alive and able to exchange gifts is the truest gift of the Winter's Crest season.  I know I will truly appreciate whatever it is you have.  I always do._

 

_I am so grateful to Sarenrae and whatever others powers-that-be that you were able to project yourself and come to us.  I hope there will be no repercussions from sustaining such an ability... or for any of us after seeing what we did in the ziggurat beneath the castle.  Take time to rest and heal, Pike.  I know the rest of us are doing exactly that.  Vex'ahlia and I almost won a pie-eating contest today, but I'll spare you the exact details of that._

 

_Perhaps I wasn't truly honest in saying that we should reconsider who we are to each other.  Deep down I'm positive we belong with each other.  The things we've gone through, the things we've seen... people who experience those types of things don't leave each other.  But at the same time, maybe what we should really reconsider is why we've stayed together, or what we'll stay together for in the future._

 

_I am tired, Pike, perhaps that is all I am saying.  The world seems very dark suddenly and that confuses me.  It seems as though no matter what we do, we are destined only to try to push that darkness down, never to find the light, if in fact there's light to be had._

 

_What am I saying?  Of course there is light in the world.  I have seen it.  I have seen my radiant sister.  I have seen you, with angel wings, leap into an encroaching army of undead skeletons._

 

_And I have seen Keyleth.  She is light, too, Pike._

 

_Maybe that's all the light we need.  Maybe that's enough to go on._

_Maybe we're not about pushing down darkness, but showing the world there's still light left in it.  And maybe that's enough._

 

_Then we'll go on that, go forward in our own light._

 

_Not to be a huge sap, but I think that's Winter's Crest in a nutshell.  There's light in the world and we're that light, and recognizing the light in others is how we keep that all alive._

 

_I recognize the light in you, Pike._

_Vax'ildan_

 

* * *

 

 

_ _

 

_Vax,_

_This won't be a long one.  Since we finished the fight against the Briarwoods and I've been back in my own body I've been having migraines.  It needs to be dark and quiet and sitting up is exhausting.  The only thing comforting me is knowing this will end soon.  It always does.  Please don't worry about it, it's going to be fine._

 

_Go talk to Keyleth.  You're both feeling the same things.  Or write her a damn letter.  They seem to help people say things they never would out loud.  They're remarkably freeing._

 

_Go tell her things._

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

_Keyleth,_

_I feel like an idiot writing you a letter when we're in the same building, mere feet apart.  And yet somehow it feels less stupid than trying to stand in front of you and trying to tell you everything._

 

_Anyway, if this goes badly, blame Pike.  This was her idea._

 

_She told me you wrote her awhile ago wondering about Vox Machina's true purpose is, why we're still together, what we stand for.  She found it funny because I just wrote to her about the same thing, and she urged me to talk to you about it._

 

_So here I am.  Writing about it._

 

_Do you think we were meant to come together?  Is there such a thing as destiny?  And if so, is there anything we can do about what destiny's already set forward for us?  Or if there isn't destiny, what forces bring people together and keep them together?_

 

_And how are we supposed to know if we're meant to stay together?_

 

_Pike says nobody has everything figured out, but that we can't figure things out standing still.  That nothing in the world stands still.  That you would know about that._

 

_Is it easy for you to go through the world knowing what your journey is?  Pike told me she doesn't feel like she's got any more of a solid plan than anyone else just because she's guided by Sarenrae... do you have any feelings on how things fit together because you're on an actual journey?_

 

_I have no idea what I'm doing, Kiki.  No damn clue.  Except trying to figure out where I belong in the world, what I'm supposed to be doing, and knowing that wherever I belong, whatever I end up doing, I'd like to be there with you._

 

_Vax_

 

* * *

_ _

 

_Vax,_

_You know, most guys wait until they've taken a girl to a tavern or something before they attempt to ask her all of these metaphysical questions about life.  Or maybe they don't take advice from their gnome cleric friends who suggest letter writing._

 

_Ah, hell, who am I kidding.  I'm absolutely flattered that you'd write me a letter, despite the fact that we're three rooms apart.  Your sister snores, by the way.  Did you know that?  I'm sure you know that._

 

_Nobody knows where anything's going, Vax.  Don't you know that by now?  No matter if we're working to buy ale, like Grog, or if you're working to complete an AraMente, like I am, we've all got the same amount of forethought, which is to say not much.  We're all completely fucked in the end.  Anything can happen and it always does.  It's what we do with what happens that speaks to who we are.  It's the choices we make when the chips are down that shows us who we want to be._

 

_Who do I want to be?  I want to be the best Keyleth I can be._

 

_And for the most part, the best Keyleth I can be is one who ends up with you._

 

_Damn.  Pike's like a matchmaker._

 

_Do we send her a muffin basket or something now?_

 

_affectionately yours,_

_Kiki_

 

* * *

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_Keyleth, do you know why two men just drove up to the keep and unloaded what looks like a year's supply of muffins?_

 

_Write your answer on the back and crumple it up... Scanlan says that's how these work._

 

* * *

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_I might have told Vax to send you a muffin basket.  Perhaps he misread and thought I said "lots of muffins."  You do like muffins, don't you?_

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

You are now communicating via Gilmore's Glorious Automatic Messaging Parchments

 

_Yes.  I like muffins.  Please tell Vax that now everyone at the keep likes muffins.  Everyone on the Promenade likes muffins.  Sovereign Uriel likes muffins.  People I've never met like muffins.  All of Emon likes muffins.  We're now a muffin city._

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Title is from "Back to Me" by Kathleen Edwards. The song itself has nothing to do with Pike, but I like that line since, to me, it represents Pike seeing something new inside herself.
> 
> Chapter Six takes place directly after Ep. 44 (SPOILERS).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, here's the thing. *I* actually haven't seen episode 44. My Internet went down about four minutes into Thursday's episode and I had to rage-quit and go to bed. But due to... you know, things... I found out one of the major plot points and knew I could work it into one of these chapters.
> 
> So if you haven't seen Ep. 44 (the most recent one) and you care about spoilers, STOP READING RIGHT HERE.
> 
> Don't say I didn't warn you.
> 
> Everybody else good?

                  

 

_Pike,_

_There is no easy way to say this, and in fact I cannot believe I am going to write it.  It's one of those things you find absolutely incomprehensible, even after they've happened to you.  I have no idea how I'm going to explain this.  I just know I can't talk to anyone else about it.  And you know about it, so maybe you'll understand?  Gods, I don't know.  I'm so sorry to bother you with all of this, since you're back in Whitestone trying to take care of people who just survived the worst days of their lives.  Singlehandedly.  Gods, Pike, how do you do it?  How do you deal with everything that's happened to you and yet remain so centered and polished and... good?  You're just so good, Pike.  So good.  You care about people and you're not bitter or jaded or cruel, and you've seen so much and done so much that everyone would totally forgive you if you were, and yet... and yet you're just Pike.  Sweet, cheerful, honest, loving Pike.  You want to help people.  Do I ever want to do that?  Is that what we're doing?  Is that what I have to do now, here in the "after" part of this?  Did you become better afterwards?  Damn, I don't know if I can handle that.  I don't want to be anyone else.  I guess I'm just barely okay with being me..._

 

_Shit.  I just realized I didn't tell you what happened._

 

_I died, Pike._

 

_I fucking died._

 

_And I don't know what to do now._

 

_I don't know what to do, Pike.  Please help._

 

_Vex'ahlia_

 

* * *

 

_ _

 

_Oh, Vex.  Oh, Vex.  Beloved, wonderful Vex.  My Vex.  I am so sorry.  I am so sorry.  I wish I was there with you now.  I would not be able to say anything, for there is nothing to say, but I would hold you and try to understand.  I will... I will pray to Sarenrae to send you healing and comfort.  I know that sounds like absolute garbage after what you've been through, but from so far away it's all I have to offer.  I'm so sorry._

 

_It is something difficult to talk about, and there are very few people in the world who will understand it.  We're a strange and far-spread group, Vex.  Most of us have gone beyond, touched the veil, and come back, thrown into our own bodies through some sort of divine error, as it were.  And all of us are changed for it._

 

_It isn't about being good, Vex.  It's about remembering why the world is good.  What the world has both with and without us, and realizing the world is better for having us in it.  We're not guaranteed anything beyond the next second, and our knowledge of that needs to be what drives us forward._

 

_I care about people because they're multi-faceted and flawed and fascinating.  We contain multitudes, Vex.  Nobody's story is black and white.  We're all painted with so many colors that sometimes it takes my breath away to think of all the dimensions in which we exist.  I'm not bitter because Sarenrae has seen me through all of my darkness.  I'm not jaded because I truly believe in what the world has waiting for me.  I am not cruel because it is not in my nature - I cannot explain it in terms that will not make me sound like a pontificating cleric, but just know that some things are innate, even after one has touched the veil._

 

_And you don't have to be anyone but exactly who you are, Vex.  The world needs you, not another me.  Sarenrae knows the world's got enough of me already._

 

_I love you, dear heart.  You will move beyond this, I promise.  You'll never forget, but you will move forward._

 

_Pike_

 

* * *

 

_I don't even remember it.  Isn't that the stupidest fucking thing you've ever heard?  One minute I was there, then it was like I passed out, then I woke up with Vax's arms around me and a lot of his tears on my face.  I mean, at first it was just gross.  I love my twin but having his tears in my mouth is like the pinnacle of nasty.  Do you think twins have the same tears?  I don't think I've ever thought about that before._

 

_I wish it was something monumental that I remembered - something monumental and amazing and life-changing.  Instead it was like I'd had too much to drink and closed my eyes for a moment.  I couldn't understand why everyone was so upset.  I was pissed that we were wasting time._

 

_Gods, Pike, I can't even die right.  I'm such a fuck-up._

 

~~_I'm scared._ ~~

 

* * *

_ _

 

_Vex'ahlia.  You listen to me._

 

_Do NOT let your death define your life._

 

_You are more than everything you lost in that moment.  You are everything you were before that moment.  Everything you will be after that moment.  You are the sum of your hopes and fears and dreams, lies and experience and adventures and love, everything you want and everything you have._

 

_We're not everything we lose.  We're everything we have._

 

_And you have so much, Vex._

 

_I am sending Sarenrae's love to you.  I want only to hold you and remind you of how beautiful the world is because you're here._

 

_And ask your brother.  I never lie._

 

_Pike_

* * *

_ _

_Pike._

 

_Pike._

 

_When did the nightmares start?_

 

_How do I make them stop?_

 

_When am I going to feel like I belong in my own skin again?_

* * *

_ _

 

_Pike,_

_I don't know how you do it, but I'm consistently surprised by your reach, even when we're miles and miles apart._

 

_You might be asking yourself, What the hell is he talking about? and I feel this isn't the first letter you've gotten this week so strangely worded.  Knowing Vex'ahlia's mental state recently I'm sure she sent you all kinds of bizarre missives.  Perhaps it's a twin thing._

 

_Last night she awoke multiple times writhing and screaming, and nothing we could do was calming her.  She did not want to be touched.  She could not breathe.  Everything we did made it worse._

 

_And then... she started to glow._

 

_And I swear to... I swear to Sarenrae... I heard you.  We all did.  (Except for Grog, who slept through the whole damn thing.)  And we saw you._

 

_And none of us understood a damn thing you said, except for Vex, and she calmed down immediately.  It was like she got a big glowing hug from you.  Right after that she looked so at peace, and she was so relaxed that Kiki and I had to carry her back to bed.  I slept next to her the rest of the night, and she did not stir again._

 

_Bless you, Pike Trickfoot._

 

_Bless you to Sarenrae's heart and back._

 

_Vax_

* * *

_ _

 

_Vax,_

_Good to know I can always keep you guessing._

 

_Now go give your sister a hug._

 

_Pike_

* * *

 

 

And here, by popular demand, is the font list for this story, updated all the way through this chapter.


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